My Husband · Promise of God's Protection

Patience and Understanding

“Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.”  Romans 12:12

Whether this is your first marriage or second, marrying someone who already has children is quite the life challenge.  Many days it’s rewarding and wonderful, but if we are to be honest it is STILL a challenge.  I don’t think you’d be reading this right now if you weren’t faced with some obstacles, and I know I would not be writing and sharing with you had I not faced some of the same obstacles.  Thankfully, our roads converge today and we can be open and honest about one of the greatest emotional mountains you will climb.

Most romantic relationships and marriages go through a “honeymoon phase”.  The length of this blissful time when you and your partner are converging lives could be a few months or a few years.  When you immediately add a child that is not biologically connected to the both of you, often hurdles are in your path right away, and the starry eyes see reality.  Some days you will soar over them with grace, and some days you will be bandaging wounds.  But, your attitude towards the hurdles and what you learn from them can plant seeds of growth in your marriage or foster bitter resentments.  Attitude also determines your effectiveness as a stepparent.  Let’s face it, attitude has the ability to determine our quality of LIFE!

I’m sure there’s a key word that keeps popping in your research and devotions.  That powerful and oh so important word is – COMMUNICATION.  Along with prayer and a constructive attitude needs to be some quality talking time with your partner.  To be blunt, if you aren’t making time and really LISTENING to each other, you are building the foundation of your relationship on sand.  The very nature of blended families craves a rock-solid foundation for survival.  This takes both of you.  

There’s so much intimacy in understanding what your partner is going through.  As much as we want to be heard, our partner wants to have a voice as well.  Speaking for my own situation, there was a definite grieving period my husband experienced when his child no longer lived with him full-time.  He loved his little boy, and losing a daily connection to his son for a while was troubling for him.  

He also was fresh out of an emotionally draining divorce process that included child custody, child support, and alimony proceedings.  There’s little time to mourn the loss of a marriage when the best interest of a child needs to be the focus of attention.  Sometimes he was “distant” and I didn’t understand.  I tried to fill the silence in the air and fill the void in his heart.  Time would teach me that he was still processing so much change, just like all of us in the dynamic were trying to do.  Time also would reveal that the void would remain, but years of love would promote healing, joyful memories would solidify our bond, and I would hold a very significant and important place in his heart AND our family.  

I ask that you take today and focus on you and the love of your life, your sweetheart.  Your spouse should be the most important person on earth to you, and vice versa.  Honoring and loving Christ first and your marriage next before all others is the best way to honor and love your children. 

Individual/Group Discussion:

What mistakes do you not want to repeat in your relationship that happened in your previous relationship? 

What role do you see yourself playing long-term in the life of your stepchild(ren)?

Where are you and you partner making great strides together?  What areas do you want to ask God for guidance?

My Husband · Uncategorized

Our Husbands

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“Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.” Romans 12:12 GNB

My husband (Steve) looked so tired at breakfast this morning.  We try to keep somewhat of a schedule in our home, sleep time included.  But this morning, he looked like an extra few hours would do him a world of good.  It wasn’t just a physical tired with baggy eyes and pale skin.  It was a deeper kind of tired.  A soul tired.

So much is expected of him.  He’s the breadwinner in our home while I help care for my elderly and sick father a state away.  He balances so much on his weary shoulders, and he balances it all with a grace unlike any I’ve seen before.  Granted, I take care of the home while I’m not working full-time, but much of what he balances can’t be checked off a list at the end of the day.

Steve juggles the needs of employees who call him at various hours of the day.  He helps me with the perils of homeownership like a faulty power switch or a failing appliance.  He notices my gas tank is near empty and he fills it up, also surprising me with my favorite soda.  He loves couple time with me and surprises me with concert tickets on a random Tuesday afternoon.  He makes our personal projects a priority.  He’s planned in exquisite detail how our basement should be finished.

He does many selfless and thoughtful things for his son.  My stepson is juggling the balance between adulthood and leaving the teen years.  He’s doing pretty darn good working and growing up in this jungle of a world, but he still needs guidance.  Steve makes breakfast for him in the morning, asks him about his work day with sincere interest (usually after working a full day of his own) and he spends lots of time throughout the week talking with him and teaching him much about finances, car maintenance and repair, what tie matches what shirt, etc. etc.

Steve makes it all look so easy, but some days it’s not.

He balances my emotional see-saw of knowing my father is dying.  Some days I’m ok, some days I cry a lot.  He is quick to offer guidance and help when our son needs new tires for his truck or needs deeper insight like which retirement plan would be best suited for him.  He responds with civility when his ex sends a terse text asking for money.  He is a Christian confidant to many in our family and friend circle.  When called upon he will give of his evening to counsel someone in need.  Sometimes all of this happens in the same day, and he handles it all with a positive, Godly attitude.

Have you looked at your husband today, I mean really looked at him? Have you looked in his eyes and told him how much you appreciate all he balances and gives of himself?  In a world that wants to get rid of the word “man” from the dictionary, in a world that devalues Fathers Rights, in a world that wants to vilify a gender, it’s no wonder our good men and husbands of the world feel beat down.

Now, I know that there are exceptions to everything.  I know many strong women.  I know amazing, self-sacrificing single mothers.  I know so many wonderful people of all ages. But for this moment I want to say…

Thank you, my incredible and remarkable husband.

Moment of Prayer:

“Lord, thank you for the gift of such a wonderful husband and father!  I ask for you to fill his heart with hope, joy, and peace today.  He means so much to our family.  Please bless his life in continuous ways.  May he feel your presence today in everything he does.  I am so grateful for him.” 

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! I don’t take your attention for granted.  This is a work in progress and I hope to share something with you every day.  I am not a psychologist or a counselor.  I am, however, very passionate about helping other stepparents with prayer, inspiration, and hope.  I care about you!  I have added a prayer request section.  Please feel free to ask for prayer! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  I hope to be resourceful to your stepparent journey.  God Bless You!