The Ex-Spouse

Through New Eyes

“I want her to go to Heaven, too.”

The words fell out of mouth. I couldn’t stop them.

Honestly, after I said them I felt such…freedom.

It’s a VERY well known fact that my stepson’s mother does not like me. I have written several blog posts about the struggles we’ve had from zero percent participation with co-parenting to extreme forms of parental alienation through the years. She does little without motive, and that motive is usually to undermine my husband and to erase my name from her son’s history. I’m pretty sure this will continue while the participating parties are drawing breath. Yes, I know what I “signed up for”, and yes, I would do it all over again. All of it.

But why in the WORLD would I want her to go to Heaven when she dies?

That’s a great question. It’s a great time of year to ask it. Thanks for asking. 🙂

I want her to go to Heaven because Jesus Christ died for her sins just as He died for mine. He wants to be the Lord of her life just as He wants to be the Lord of mine. He came to give her “hope and a future” just as He did for me. I either can ignore that or embrace it. As a Christian, I choose to embrace it.

When we get to Heaven, we won’t have our earthly insecurities and pain. I won’t remember her stingy words and she won’t be caught up in her own perception of me. We won’t remember Facebook and all of the evil social media started. We won’t remember confusion and doubt. We won’t remember why we get really anxious before having to face each other.

We WILL know that we worship the same Savior. We WILL be caught up in eternal worship of Him. We WILL know peace that passes all understanding.

When I see her through the eyes of Christ, I see with a love my own mind can’t comprehend. It’s honestly supernatural. HE creates this forgiveness and love, not I.

So, yes, I want her to go to Heaven. There. I said it! Whew. Praise Jesus for His mercy and grace when we accept Him into our hearts and every corner of our lives.

Lynnette R. Flatt, Certified Stepfamily Coach, Stepfamily Foundation of NYC – Contact me for coaching at

One thought on “Through New Eyes

  1. That’s pretty deep, actually. I’ve never thought about this, since I haven’t dealt with her for many years, but strange I read this today. Yesterday at work, we were discussing something related to death/dying, and I told my boss and co workers that my late husbands ex wrote me an email years ago and said that she will be sure to piss on my grave when I die. I hope my kids cremate me and keep me with them always. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s