The Ex-Spouse

Through New Eyes

“I want her to go to Heaven, too.”

The words fell out of mouth. I couldn’t stop them.

Honestly, after I said them I felt such…freedom.

It’s a VERY well known fact that my stepson’s mother does not like me. I have written several blog posts about the struggles we’ve had from zero percent participation with co-parenting to extreme forms of parental alienation through the years. She does little without motive, and that motive is usually to undermine my husband and to erase my name from her son’s history. I’m pretty sure this will continue while the participating parties are drawing breath. Yes, I know what I “signed up for”, and yes, I would do it all over again. All of it.

But why in the WORLD would I want her to go to Heaven when she dies?

That’s a great question. It’s a great time of year to ask it. Thanks for asking. 🙂

I want her to go to Heaven because Jesus Christ died for her sins just as He died for mine. He wants to be the Lord of her life just as He wants to be the Lord of mine. He came to give her “hope and a future” just as He did for me. I either can ignore that or embrace it. As a Christian, I choose to embrace it.

When we get to Heaven, we won’t have our earthly insecurities and pain. I won’t remember her stingy words and she won’t be caught up in her own perception of me. We won’t remember Facebook and all of the evil social media started. We won’t remember confusion and doubt. We won’t remember why we get really anxious before having to face each other.

We WILL know that we worship the same Savior. We WILL be caught up in eternal worship of Him. We WILL know peace that passes all understanding.

When I see her through the eyes of Christ, I see with a love my own mind can’t comprehend. It’s honestly supernatural. HE creates this forgiveness and love, not I.

So, yes, I want her to go to Heaven. There. I said it! Whew. Praise Jesus for His mercy and grace when we accept Him into our hearts and every corner of our lives.

Lynnette R. Flatt, Certified Stepfamily Coach, Stepfamily Foundation of NYC – Contact me for coaching at


Mother’s Day Is Just Around The Corner – By Dr. Jeannette Lofas — Stepfamily Consortium

It is Mothers’ Day in the stepfamily / blended family. Despite the cards and flowers stepmothers face these daunting issues. Did we miss anything? Tell us about you. Some Issues and Complaints The Stepmother may say: “It’s Mothers’ Day and little to no thanks for what I do “He’s asked me to take the kids […]

Mother’s Day Is Just Around The Corner – By Dr. Jeannette Lofas — Stepfamily Consortium